I HAVE A Wii BECAUSE I'M A SHEMALE

Having entered the 21st century we have experienced some great highs like High Definition TVs, incredible online console action, HD and Blu-Ray movies to take-away, Call of Duty 4, Gears of War and Metal Gear Solid 4, inventions that have provided glee and joy to the millions of respected gamers throughout the world. So as I entered my friends’ girlfriend’s house, I was asked if I wanted to have a game of tennis on the latest next generation console, and being a member of the 5th best clan on GRAW2 it was an obligatory invitation. At first I was expecting an endorsed Anna Kournikova franchise, or another farcical Super Monkey Ball, but instead Wii Sports was the opening title and I had to choose a character that resembled some type of disease only Nintendo could conjure up.. I selected my abomination and proceeded to centre court only to find out that I wasn’t going to use an ordinary gamepad, but a remote control. A remote control meaning to replicate a tennis racquet, is that possible? The first game started and already I was miles better than her, her housemate, her other housemate, and her housemate’s friend. They laughed and became so absorbed with this false athleticism to the point where it became competitive. I on the other hand, was bemused, lost, and completely astonished that such a console entertainment system could enable absolutely anybody to feel a sense of achievement requiring absolute zero skill and challenge.

The Wii is a female activist’s dream, it is the invention to humiliate all other consoles from the Atari 2600 to the PS3. At least with Pong you needed quick reflexes to rebound the energetic ball, with Wii tennis you don’t even move your character, it moves automatically! Is that the challenge? To let your character who you control… control itself?! I thought challenges required strategy and skill, is it so that when Nintendo created the Wii they knew female gamers possessed neither? Also, the primitive graphics! Why does someone who I control and is meant to bear my physical resemblance created from MS Paint? Maybe that isn’t true but it isn’t exaggeration. The assumption being that Nintendo felt simple gameplay warranted embarrassing graphics, this is an actual ideology we are embracing to date. It is anti-complexity and pro-simplicity, the Wii’s complete marketing strategy is to appeal to ‘everyone’, Smash Bros. and Mario Kart are symbolic of this entirely. Two trademark titles allowing anyone to simply pick up and play effortlessly. These games are proof that after 20 minutes of game time, you can be as good as someone who has honed their skills for months. For Nintendo, talented gamers are old school; the new ideology is to eradicate skill and just let nice people win.

N.B.
Although to some this may be offensive whilst having no association to what is currently taking place in the games industry. However, personally it does, because Nintendo have taken a step back from the reality that video gaming on the two major fronts are excelling in providing superb titles requiring sublime skill and ability. The Nintendo Wii is a gimmick that tarnishes the art of video games for talented and competitive gamers. Instead it boasts of its success in selling out its simplicity and falsely sees itself on the same level as the PS3 and 360. Wii users are granted charlatans who regularly jump on the travelling bandwagon.

Timeshift

When Sierra took the responsibility to publish Timeshift they realised that along with their other FPS titles, there would be great anticipation and pressure to deliver. Developer, Saber Interactive, who have previously never worked with Sierra and have only one notable game to date for all you collectors out there, base their studios in St. Petersburg, Russia and Timeshift aimed to not only strengthen Sierra’s portfolio, but place the Russian prospects on the map.

Timeshift in short is a masterpiece. The environments are superb, the weapons are extremely varied and best of all the time control innovation proves so effective in what are 24 levels juicing with mass militias. The entry level sees you in an outside environment with beautiful visuals of storming rain creating an immersive atmosphere, throughout is fantastic lighting and at times you are breath taken by the long distance surroundings leaving the whole game a joy to spectate. Enemies are ruthless and accurate as they take up strong positions to shoot from distance, where CQC often seems them attacking in great numbers. To overcome their dominance you have to manipulate the Beta suit aka ‘time control’. The Beta suit is an immense advantage, unique and enthralling as it possesses three functions: ‘pause’, ‘slow’, ‘rewind’, each of which has a different time duration making it very challenging and choice-vital. One essential part of Timeshift is ‘Undisputed Airspace’, a level where you control the 360 turrets of the Zepplin, completely impossible without the ability of time manipulation due to the huge bombardments of air mines and bombers. This can leave you in awe as the break from ground to air activity overshadows the similarities found in GRAW2 or COD4 respectively. Timeshift is a nostalgic, gripping, linear FPS that captivates you from the beginning. It is an essential purchase for veterans in the field who will instantly write home about weapon feel and enemy numbers. Online, it is powered by GameSpy and lag is barely an issue, it’s an enjoyable, fast paced experience pleasing for Unreal followers. If you aren’t afraid to test your capabilities (and even if you are, just play it in Easy) and you want to revisit the greatest days of campaign mode FPSs with immaculate graphics then look no further than Timeshift.